Reveal-ations
reveal : to show people things that you have hidden before
Since we started Sync, I’ve been really interested how different people deal with their disabilities - who tells everyone they meet everything and who never tells anyone anything about themselves.
Maybe it should be simple - if we have a disability you can see, you should tell people about it and if you have one you can hide, you should be quiet about it.
But thats not the way it is.
I can remember running a course for youth workers once. One woman had one arm. She hated the word 'disabled' and wouldn't use it. I've also worked with people with hidden disabilities who love the word, and use it about themselves all the time.
What makes some of us very open about our disabilities and some of us keep it all quiet?
Being disabled
Sometimes 'being disabled' means people decide what we are like before they know us. They decide what they think we can do and what we can't. Often they are wrong.
If people are going to think bad things about us because they hear the word 'disabled' is it a surprise many people hide?
Even people who are usually very open can hide things.
Lady Jane Campbell works with the Government. She is usually very open about being a disabled person. But when she started to loose her voice because of her impairment, she didn't tell people as she thought people wouldn't ask her to speak anymore. She will be using a machine soon to help her breathe, but is worried people will think she can't do things anymore once she starts using it.
Sometimes people have bad reactions - this is true. But also sometimes we stop ourselves, because we are scared.
Sarah Scott, who is in Sync, says that when she was a child, wearing hearing aids meant that people told her she was wrong a lot. She heard things wrong, she got things wrong, she said things wrong. This meant she was always afraid to speak out, incase she got it wrong. This fear is still with her today.
When we are leading, we can also be afraid. Sometimes we can be afraid that people think we only got a job or a position because we are disabled. Sometimes we can also think that people pity us too.
Role models
Who are our role models? Who can we look up to?
There was a president in America called Roosevelt who was a disabled person. He tried to hide the fact he had polio from everyone, especially the newspapers. He thought people would think he couldn't be the president if they knew he had a disability.
Our prime minister Gordon Brown is also a disabled person, and he never talks much about being a disabled person or the access he needs.
This means the newspapers gossip about the large print he needs and the fact that he has people to guide him around.
If our prime minister hides - what does that mean?
Does this mean that more of us should talk about our impairments and what we need so that other people feel they don't have to hide?
Jo Hari’s window
Hiding and not hiding isn't just a thing disabled leaders need to think about. Every leader has to think about this.
There is a leadership tool called Johari’s window, which is used by leaders to think about this. You can find out more about this by clicking the link below.
This tool asks you to think about what you show other people, and also what other people think about you. These may not be the same things!
In one of the new Sync case studies, Robert Softley Gale, who works at the Scottish Arts Council, talks about a moment when he found out what people thought about him.
Robert describes himself as a wheelchair user with slightly slurred speech and shaky movements.
Once he was performing in a play and someone was describing what happened on stage and he could hear what they were saying.
The person describing the play said: ‘And Robert Softley, who moves with very spasticated movements, appears on the stage…’
Robert does have movements that are shaky, but he thought that 'spasticated 'wasn't a great word to use.
The person describing the play went on to say that Robert's mother had died giving birth to him - now that certainly wasn't something that the people in the audience needed to know!
You can take control
Everyone is different and different people want to say different things. That is fine.
You can choose what to tell people and what not to tell people - but you should choose because its what you want, not because you are scared of what people might think.
If we want to lead, we have to ask hard questions about what we want people to know about us.
Jon Adams, who is in Sync, says that becoming a leader has meant he feels better about telling people. He used to hide his disability, but now he is more open about it.
Hannah Reynolds, who one of Sync coaches, also says you can change how you feel and what you tell people. She says its important to un-learn what people have said to you in the past. You can choose how you want to describe yourself. Its not up to other people.
Where are you going?
Think about how much you share.
Do you want to share more? Do you want to share less?
I know I have told too many people about my home life in the past and now I try and say less about my holidays, my children and my chickens!
We can ask other people what they think of us, This can be hard though. We can hear good things but we can also hear hard things too.
And maybe we need to also think about what we don't show and what no one know about us. We are all changing and growing and developing all the time. We have to give ourselves time to find out new things about ourselves too!
Jo Verrent
Sync Project Manager
Comments
Please add a comment below.
Add a comment